(I wrote this at 2AM and it seemed perfectly sane at the time)
Ok, I'm sorry I couldn't get you guys any gifts for Christmas. I think it's much more appropriate to get people gifts for New Year's, you know, to prepare them for a better year. I guess that'll make it a little easier to stick to New Year's resolutions. And instead of having a list of what you want for Christmas, you can have a New Year's resolutions list and presents would be much more meaningful. I think all these 16/17 years have made you all cynical bastards (yeah, I'm the one calling you cynical this time) and you probably don't believe in New Year's resolutions anymore. But seriously, if your resolution was to try something new, I would totally make you a mardi gras costume.
So here are my virtual gifts to my fellow tweeters (because I tweeting about all the useless shit in our lives pretty much clues me into your would-be resolutions). Also, since it's the start of a new decade, I will predict where you'll be in 10 years. In tweet alphabetical order
David: I virtual gift you a tape recorder so you can tape what Ms Khattar says in class and you can rewind and listen to it whenever you're not paying attention/arguing with Thy or Bradley/being distracted by Wendy or Van (aren't we all?).
In 10 years: you will be engineering Sydney 2.0 with like rocket launchers and speed of light internet or whatever you engineers do, you know, after presumably the original Sydney gets sunken under due to climate change/2012 apocalypse/some mass freak accident van is likely to cause.
Mandy: I virtual gift you a brilliant 3D camera. LOL. And you could post those 3D pics on tumblr. Ok, now I feel bad because Jessica probably wanted it. Actually no, that makes it even better. Go out tumblr Jess.
In 10 years YOU WILL BELIEVE IN NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS. Also, you will be a ghostbuster (was it this or a mythbuster?), because you will tinker with the 3D camera and make it into a 5D camera capable of taking pictures of ghosts.
Cynthia: I virtual gift you a million tumblarity points (are they points?). I don't even know how tumblarity works but I can click all over your tumblr non stop for a week and spread a chain email to naive tweens who will believe they will die if they don't click on your link and spread it to 50 other people before midnight.
In 10 years you will be the sole judge on Masterchef (lol I don't know why this popped up in my head) and all the failed contestants will face cruel and unusual corporal punishment at your whim.
Wendy: I virtual gift you a time machine so you can go back in time and research your extension history task. You can give Queen Elizabeth I some modern day make up so she can stop painting her face with lead. Also, you can go back in time and prevent the Maths Gods from creating maths, or you know the English from creating English.
In 10 years you will be the top child psychologist for a major corporation with Nazi-like intentions to take over the world. You know, you'll be manipulating children('s minds) instead of molesting them (LOL sorry i had to say it). Well, either that or you'll be running the most super awesome school with tv clubs, anime clubs, no uniform and classes like the history of spaghetti meatballs in american cinema across the road from Sefton.
Tina: I virtual gift you the ability to read the minds of birthday boys/girls, so no one will ever tell your to cash in you v-card as a birthday present ever again.
In 10 years you will be happily married with two disgustingly adorable children (lol, this is the most serious and realistic prediction I've made). Or you know, a cold hearted super rich business woman who has cannibalistic tendencies and keeps little children in her freezer and toasts them in the morning for breakfast.
JennyG: I virtual gift you a massive roll of duct tape (i can probably throw it over to you right now, neighbour). Because seriously, if I was around Jenny N that long I'd gag and kidnap her too.
In 10 years you will be the diabolical master of the Nazi company Wendy works for. I always knew something evil twinkled in your too-nice-for-putting-up-with-your-wth??-random-friends eyes.
Shirley: I virtual gift you the entire locker block which our locker is part of, so you never have to put up with other people around trying to get to their lockers, and also you will never run out of space even when you lock elic in there (I know you're too nice to do this, but you should). It needs one of those awesome spy eye/fingerprint recognition things so you don't need a key.
In 10 years you will be the leader of a cult which plans to spread hippy-style mass happiness across the world. You will shoot fucking rainbows out of your eyes, you know in counterattack to Wendy/Jenny's corporation.
Gary: lol you need to tweet more dude. I don't know what to virtual gift you. Maybe all the land between St George Girls and Sydney Tech so you can build a park there, like the one they have between Sydney Boys/Sydney Girls.
In 10 years you'll fucking give me a free computer okay? Because it's not fair if you own Microsoft and you don't give the person who predicted this a free computer.
Jessica: I virtual gift you your own gallery exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art where the subject will be 'anthropological study of modern neaderthals; my fellow classmates during their 17th year'
In 10 years you will be a fashion photographer who gets free picks at all the photo shoots, free picks at all the camera stores and free picks at all the skinny jeans wearing male models. NO. I refuse to hand you a more outrageous prediction. Enough unicorns for you.
Van: airbags.
In 10 years you will be fucking dead or in prison. Or this is what I have to say when the mafia asks me where you are, you no-good korean popstar kidnapping pimp who has her own lair of 'husbands' in the middle of the Middle East. Also you own the company the guy who's allergic to wasps works at and you're very good at inducing recessions just to make him go nuts. Also you will use your connections to get me a NASA pass.
Jenny L: the full solutions to all of Old Man's homework (and/or classwork) for the rest of the year
In 10 years I seriously don't know where you'll be. Which is not a bad thing, but I know you'll be wherever you want to be. The most decisive thing in life is knowing that you can do whatever you want to do, and I am not even exaggerating. And you have all the options in the world, which is amazing.
Theresa: I virtual gift you an internship at Dior for summer (or winter over there) stretching into March so you get to go to about 3/4 fashion shows during that time. Then you can swing by the Dior place when you visit Paris for a year on your international studies course (I'm not kidding, a year overseas is compulsory).
Well, either that or a spot at the Powerhouse Museum designtech showcase
In 10 years you will be running Dior (see how easily you work up from an internship?), and in the process of swallowing several other fashion houses (like a kid in a candy store). And yes, you will still be friends with all of us and give us beautiful clothes.
Thomas: I virtual gift you a pot of optimism and motivation. Or I don't know, admission into Shirley's cult.
In 10 years your nuclear fusion plan would have worked and you discover how to supply the world with unlimited energy. And you know, you win a nobel prize for ending the climate change problem.
I don't know how the hell these predictions got so far fetched. I really meant for them to be realistic. Actually, they ARE realistic because I know you can achieve them. People always exceed their wildest expectations. Do you think the people of 1910 knew where the world was going to be by 2010? It takes more conviction than talent to become successful (not that you aren't talented) and if you have that, then you're set.
Happy New Year and Happy New Decade guys. I hope you have an awesome one.
It's nothing profound, but I don't know what to think of it. Feminist/sexist/not etc. You can't really take your eyes off it, but she sounds so shrill and childish. Eh.
This took me a while to understand all the wordplay:
Because blogs are testaments to how self absorbed we are.
5 thoughts I usually have: 1. I don't want to do _____ anymore. I'm going to sleep/eat/watch tv/run away now. 2. So tired. This is what it must feel like the second before you die. EXCEPT THIS KEEPS ON GOING FOREVER. 3. Nom nom nom (don't ask) 4. I wonder what this will look like if I draw it on my arm/leg/stomach (proceeds to draw ___ on arm/leg/stomach) 5. WOW
Anyways, I think there's something wrong with me. I think the reason why sefton guys (or any guy our age) seem like, the opposite of attractive to me is because I older men are so much better. LOL. I can't believe I wrote that sentence. That seems like such a blonde cheerleader bubblegum thing to say. But seriously, if Hugh Laurie or Stephen Fry (or Gregory Peck, even though he's dead) asked me to have their babies, I would totally do it. Actually, even without their consent... never mind. You never heard that.
Also, let me introduce you to Gregory Peck whose amazingness is self evident: Actually, even photos don't give him justice. You kind of need the whole movie experience to fall in love with him. And seriously, he still had it when he was in his 80s. Damn, the world is never going to see an 80 something year old that gorgeous again.
What's wrong with me. I feel like the opposite of a pedophile. Dammit why aren't there more words in the english vocabulary to express myself.
According to QI there are ten thousand trillion ants in the world i.e. 10,000,000,000,000,000 (is that right?) ants.
ok, this is going to be a condensed version of like, a huge slap in the face which has been my life this past year.
I know I have a lot of trouble articulating what I mean to think/say into words, but maybe, just maybe I might have found something (but I'm still warning you, there's a lot of waffling). So, basically what all the things I've realised so far, of me joking that I want to live forever and have my own island, have pointed to the fact that I am still rather a child. I don't know. What does it mean to be an adult anyway? When do you really know? Is it when your body tells you? or your driver's license? or you age? because it doesn't feel like any of these things.
I mean, I see a lot of people who are older than me, but sometimes I feel embarrassed for them and scared that I would ever be like them, because they still act like children. I'm not saying to be mature is to change the way you look, or how you talk, who you know, or how much money you have but it's they way you treat other people, how you realise your own flaws and take responsibility. So it seems like such a shame when someone can be so old, and still be so selfish and ignorant, because it shows they're wasting their life.
I hate using a lot of words, because of their connotations. I hate using the word study. I hate using the word maturity. But if I could give you an example to explain what I mean when I talk about mature, maybe it would be that I think a 5 year old, who is capable of seeing that someone else realising other people feel as angry and confused as he/she is, is more mature than an adult who has neglected a child and still blames the entirety of child's failure on them, as if they were inherently 'bad'.
So, if you're still reading, I'll get to the point. I know graduating from school is symbolic of becoming an adult, but I'm worried I won't be ready. It's easy to dismiss the above example and consider yourself 'mature'. But that's bullshit. I know that's bullshit. It goes so much beyond that example. I know I'm still selfish, and a lot of people around me are still entirely selfish and ignorant too.
So what I want by the end of next year, is to be a person I can truly admire. As the saying goes, 'be the change you want to see in the world'. What does it mean to be mature? To me, I respect the people who: - realise their flaws, and don't dwell on their mistakes but find a way to overcome them and become better - who don't care what others think of them but.., - do not resent constructive criticism, rather working to come to the respect of others - aware of the sacrifices others have made for them, and don't see the pressure on them as a burden, but rather stimulus to make the most out of their lives - try with the best of their ability (and know when they're not, because let's face it, most of us really aren't working as hard as we think) to meet or exceed the expectations on them - realise how lucky they are to have the opportunities that they do, and act on these opportunities - are selfless - empathise with others and understand their motivations - work to see life in another point of view - work consistently to achieve their goals, whatever they may be, and however much they have to sacrifice - are humble of their achievements, not because it's expected that they should be, but because they truly realise how much they can still improve - realise there is so much more out there in the world, and are always in anticipation to discover something new - and yeah, some more things I can't think of right now
I think these are the qualities that make me respect the people that I do.
So now I've realised my motivation for next year. I want to be a person I can respect, and maybe then, I'll feel like an adult, ready to be independent and embark on the world. On paper, it seems quite easy, but to actually change your mindset/attitudes/behaviour is very hard. Especially if you think you're in absolute shit right now. Well, I guess that counts as half a step, realising there's so much to achieve.
So even though I will almost definitely lose a lot of my rankings in these two weeks, the most immediate challenge is to get over that, and still try to do my best no matter what. So I'm sorry you had to read this, and I'll answer your questions next time but for now I'll try to 'study'.
But I guess it's a good thing, since you didn't have to endure me for a while.
So what have I been up to since the beginning of the holidays? I've made the most awesome strawberry frozen yoghurt in the world, 3 times. It's too bad I can't find my camera and document how to make it. Maybe one day.
I have also finished my extension english essay (well, obviously, since it was due yesterday). But it got me thinking about the meaning of life. Don't laugh. I'm serious. Like, I was seriously thinking about it. And don't give me all that jazz about love and happiness. Sorry, I'm feeling very nihilistic now. Thinking makes me so goddamned depressed, I felt like dying yesterday. Unfortunately, drivers on the road are too freaking careful about not crashing into people. Where's Van when you need her???
Anyways, today, being my favourite day of the week (since I spend half of it sleeping) I have decided not to spend it doing any strenous exercises. Instead, I will leave that for another day. Which reminds me, I made a diagram about my depressing train of thought but I decided it was too crappy to post. Well, it's not like anything I do post is any better.
So, for my next entry, ask me any question in the world in the comment section and I will try my best to answer it another day.
... to write a poem and post it on your blog. Because life sucks, and this is how we will wither what little youthful creative spirit we have left. Or you know, this is just for fun. So - all those who read this, I challenge you to write a poem (or a song/parody of a song/rap/other piece of creative expression) in response/that encapsulates your unique experience of life/of something random.
There are either no winners or we are all winners, and we are all rewarded by each other's poems. So, I hope you're as creative as I think you are! Lame I may be, but the ocean of time stretches ahead of me these holidays, as it does for you.
To start, here is my entry:
Why I Chucked My Bed in the Washing Machine and Realised How Sad My Life Was While It Was Drying
Little bug, you're such a pest Your little claws, I do detest They scratch up volcanic hills Erupting the itches, my skin feels
Where are you? I know you're there A spot on my bed - I don't know where I'll claw off my sheets - boil it all So long as no itches I will befall
But it's not you that's wrong Alas, it's been me all along Who cares about itches? Scratches? And spots? I waste myself here While the world rots
You know you're sad When you rhythm's this bad And you can't seem to stop Oh no, what rhymes with stop?
This can't be the end I'm not done - freaking my friends! Rhyming dictionary, look up "stop"! Loading so slow - it goes: Drop Chop Crop (yes I should) Non stop (yes this is) Florist shop Traffic cop Japanese hop?
What is all this nonsense? It's a poetic offense! Oh! now - have you wasted your time? I hope you have, cos I've wasted mine
I'd just like to start off saying, I love McDreamy.
And,
um, what's that show he's on? Oh yeah, Grey's Anatomy. That's all,
really. I think you're already kind of sick of people talking about that show. But really, that just shows what kind of sad, sick, twisted people we are.
The
new O.C. starts next week though. I know the O.C. is for (no offense)
shallow, self-absorbed, celebrity-obsessed teenagers but really, what
else am I supposed to watch? I am a sad, sick, twised person with
nothing else to do but accuse other people of being sad, sick, twisted,
shallow, self-absorbed, celebrity obsessed and teenage.
Enough
about TV. School is equally amusing, with several weeks of observing
human evolution. I can tell you, we're at minus stage 2. Can you believe it? November already. 2 years down, 4 to go (or 2 if you're leaving in year 10).
I know I had some hidden motive when I created this blog. I knew I would never delete it. I knew I would hate myself for this, and for being myself. But perhaps that's the point. Remember whoever you are, and what you do, you will never fully be perfect, happy or carefree, but the best you can do is try. So I won't hate on myself. Woops. That's about as serious as I get there. That almost bordered on preach-y. Sorry. Anyways, a picture will speak a thousand words:
You can probably tell I've moved towards using pictures more. Maybe it's because I'm lazy. Maybe I'm not that articulate. But what do you think? Pictures (y) or (n)?
