Yes, after three years it's finally gotten a facelift. One of those botchy ones you get from uncertified doctors in badly lit alleyway rooms which end up on "Today Tonight". Of course, it wasn't planned out so I spent a whole night just fiddling with it. And of course, it's not perfect. Nothing I do ever is. So yeah, until I'm bothered (maybe in another three years), I'll fix it up.

Enjoy.

It's a bit too late. The damage has been done. But look on the bright side, we made it out alive! Now excuse me while I go and cough out my organs.

10 Things I Forgot to Pack (damn you woolies):

1. Heavy duty-leech killing salt, so we could saturate the whole site in it. I know the plants would all die, but at least WE don't die. Besides, the Great Aussie Bush Camp could be renamed the Great Aussie Dead Sea.

2. Hospital grade disinfectant in maxi size. Apparently, it they don't let everyday people buy this shit. I don't see why the hell not. In 3 days I was exposed to more bacteria, viruses and god knows what mysteriously pungent stains than an 18th century corpse stealer. Who said the black plague was wiped out? It's back, WHO bitches.

3. 50 pairs of waterproof, super cushioning, aerodynamic pants (one for every hour). Apparently, you can't buy these either. And don't try stealing them from the army. It doesn't work.

4. A raft so we could sail to the mysterious Doctor-Who-like red phone booth on the island in the middle of the lake, and call home to tell us to pick us up. Actually, if those pants in no.3 were waterproof and cushioning enough (as they should be to withstand those conditions), they could probably double as rafts as well.

5. 600 pairs of shoes (one for every five minutes). Enough said.

6. One of those half body fishermen pants/boots things. Because that commando place was not a forest. It was not a swamp. It was a freaking sea.  Throw in some goggles and a snorkel, no wait, a submarine, and we'll be ready.

7. Laxatives for the security guards.

8. Not just the kitchen sink, but A CLEAN TOILET THAT FLUSHES. I AM NEVER LEAVING HOME WITHOUT ONE AGAIN.

9. A Michael Jackson style face transplant mask. Not to actually look like him. Just to look like a white person so we could sneak over to Subway (or home) and not look suss. Because we all know those Newcastlers ain't never seen no Asians before.

10. My mum and her washing machine.

In all honesty though, now that I look back on it, camp was actually fun is sick sort of way. I'm sure the Nazis didn't pull those concentration camps as a joke on the Jews, but I had fun at my concentration camp. Maybe it's Stockholm Syndrome.

So to commemorate camp, I will make a list of the things that made it awesome:

1. Commando. I think people got into it even more because of the quasi-creek-like puddles and invisible logs. I don't know about you guys, but we were stealth, man. Until we got caught. I felt like a real ninja. I'm just sayin, we got skillz. Until another group dragged attention to us. DAMN YOU WHOEVER YOU ARE. Anyways, the rest of the game was pretty funny. The best way to not get caught, is to act like you've been caught. That's all I'm saying. It was also hilarious all the tricks people had up their sleeves, like faking to be a teacher and demanding caps from other groups and stealing a bunch of caps. In short, if we're ever in a war and we have to rescue our hostages, we would end up being either very successful or you know, dead.

2. The terrible shower fiasco. People shouting and complaining and having conversations with other people while they were showering was pretty funny. As was the frantic mad rush during 'shower hour'. I don't think I've seen so many people run around half naked. And I don't wish to see so ever again.

3. It's a good thing that by the time we got to kayaking, we were fully immersed in our mud and own filth, so we didn't actually care about cleanliness anymore. And I still insist my kayak had a mind of its own, and was intent on killing both Shirley and me. I was so close to capsizing, I almost braced myself for a coma. Everyone ganging up on Jody and splashing her (or rather, drowning her) was awesome. You know what was not? SPLASHING ME. I COULDN'T SEE.

4. Midnight feasts are uber awesome. I dont' think I've ever used to the word uber before. BUT THIS IS THE OCCASSION. I don't know why we don't eat noodles in the dark more often. Maybe its because mine always turn out as dry noodles (why do the noodles soak up the water like they're a sponge??? were they as dehydrated as us??)

5. Midnight gossip. Guys, we should cross-room DS more. You didn't tell us any gossip. And you went to sleep way too early. I heard people were sneaking into rooms after the security guard left at 1. WE COULD HAVE HAD A REAL FEAST. Anyway, staying up to talk was, let's just say, informative. And no, I don't remember what or anyone else said.

6. The disco reminded me of the formal so much. It was almost there, just not quite. The disco was fucking crazy. This was semi crazy. I really miss those guys who were so enthusiastic at dancing at the formal. And yeah, going low-low-low-low-low really killed my legs, and I don't think my eyes will ever be the same after that flash-flash-flash thing.

7. The Sing Off was a bit weird. I never knew our grade was so un-innovative. Or so sucky at singing. Thank god there was no karaoke.

8. Trivia. The girls totally own you guys. But then again, we always knew that. And what Lily did, that was CRAZY. My god, I think my ovaries froze just looking at her endure that. Another thing I found out was how flexible some people can be. Really Kym, you gotta show us that again some day. And honestly, I thought our ass cheeks would somehow be more coordinated...

9. All the new innovative uses of the hairdryer we discovered. And washing shoes in bathroom sinks. And plots to use the shower at odd hours.

10. You bastards.

So you may not know this, but I am actually trained in the skill of reading hands. The reason why I don't do this anymore is because when I read the hands of other people (since if they find out you can, they force you into it), they become very angry and upset about what I tell them.

This isn't my fault. It's just every time I read a hand, I tell the person that they will die. Now, this is a fact. Everyone dies. I don't know why they're so upset about it. Maybe it's because since they have met me, they probably will die sooner. In fact, the years someone will live will decrease exponentially in relation to how long they spend time with me. But that's ok. My company is so worth it.

Anyways, so people get offended at the truth. They'd much rather be told LIES that they will become rich and have a billion kids, when in actual truth they will die a horrible death while watching tv, choking on something burnt and slightly undercooked, and will only be discovered when the neighbour's cat wanders over to feed on the infestation of mice. No shit. And they pay people to tell them otherwise.

But why not share my talent with the world? Well, an obscure corner of it. I have already predicted my life:

Firstly, if you look closely at your hand, you will see a series of lines running down it. Some people say they show you whether you will be rich or poor, or whether you will have a hard life. But these are LIES. Now, on my hand, there is very obviously a graph in relation to how miserable my life will turn out to be. That is, if you look below, my happiness decreases exponentially as I grow older. At first I was very happy, but this when downhill quickly. But the good thing is, when you hit rock bottom, you can't go down any further. Who said my predictions were depressing?


I was often told by my friends as a kid that the M's on people's hands meant they were going to get married. Of course, this cannot be true for so many people. I mean, how many single people out there are waving their hands proudly in the air claiming they are destined to be married? Well, maybe they don't do it with their hands. But that is sad. Anyways, the truth is, the M stands for MORTAL. Yeah, that's the stamp you get when you're born saying you can't live forever. It's the M of DOOM. Jesus was born without one. That's how they knew he was The One. I am determined that this M will somehow disappear as I grow older.


There are also a number of dark spots on my hand. This is an omen of how I will die. You see, the crevices look like little ditches. So I will die on my 40th birthday because I can finally afford a cool enough car to drive around recklessly, and I will be cheap and buy a manual, forget how to change gears and somehow drive off a cliff. Imagine little cars being wedged in the little ditches in my hand and a tiny person screaming. Yeah, that's me.


Next, I have a spot on my hand. This is very weird. I bet this is the source of all the poison in my body. It looks like where something pierced me. Like a tiny vampire. Anyways, this spot means I must have evil spirits within me. Which is not surprising. What is surprising is that I would need a spot to indicate it. I think maybe it got there because I stapled my finger when I was a kid, or I got a needle stuck in there. But that would mean I should have a lot more evil spots.


So there you go, just by reading my hand, I have figured out what will happen in my life.


On another note, school starts tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to waking up at 7am again. That is the most terrible part of being a student. I cannot overstate how torturous it is having to wake up in the morning. So this ends our 4 week break. Can you believe it? An entire month (mostly) free from school, despite the last 2 weeks mostly being studying. But admittedly, there was hardly any studying.

But fortunately, CAMP is coming soon. YAY. Can we please, please, please have walkie-talkies? So like, our cabins can communicate? Did someone pitch this idea on twitter. BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME.

Also, we need a greater variety of food than just noodles. I have this terrible feeling the camp food is going to be like, a huge prank. As in, not only will it not only be inedible (as it always is) but - SURPRISE it won't be entirely safe either! So yes, bring two suitcases. One for food, the other for everything else. Can we have a midnight feast??? And somehow watch a movie?? This is going to be like, the closest thing I can get to a sleepover. Which is kind of sad. God, I feel like a 12 year old after all of that.

Speaking of feeling like a 12 year old, I have got to stop listening to Taylor Swift. Well, ok, not listening to her music, but watching her music videos. I'm very sure the target audience is much younger than me. Hey, at least I'm not listening to Miley Cyrus.

So while I was rewatching 'Love Story' (I don't know why) I decided to take a screencap. Because I think desktops are fascinating. You can tell a lot about someone by the desktop they have. So here is mine, and please post up yours so I can see:

I think if you click on it, you'll see all the symbols my word processer has. IT'S AMAZING. There are so many, sometimes I just scroll down trying to read like, arabic letters. Seriously, I feel like a diabetic kid in a candy store. Everything's there but I'll never get to use them all. Who ever saw so many different arrows other than on the road???

Also, in my desktop background is of this incredible scene of New York from the corner of Central Park. I wish I could show you. But yeah, you'll see a tiny little corner of it down there.

I guess reading a desktop is kind of like reading a hand, so it's kind of fun. Just not as depressing.

Anyways, if I don't drive off a cliff tonight, I will see you at school.

I realised I apparently will die one day. So, it might be best that, at the end of my life, I feel that I have accomplished something and that it all wasn't just a waste of time. For this, I will have a checklist for all the things I want to accomplish in life, and for once I will have direction in what I'm doing. I probably should have made a list when I was younger, more idealistic and less superficial. But considering I'm now 16, it will be wholly superficial, which at least means can be achieved with money. Because let's face it, you can't buy world peace unless you have at least $10 billion.

The List of All the Things I Want (and Will) Do Before I Die:
1. Complete the HSC (I don't want to die within the next 18 months)
2. Go to Disneyland (Lame, I know, but everyone should do this once in their life)
3. Go to Japan (I'm not even a japonophile like many people I could name, but it's like a whole other world over there. I swear, if I can't go to Mars, Japan will suffice)
4. Visit every continent, including Antarctica
5. Own a pet that is wholly under my possession and responsibility (this is will be a huge achievement, because I think anything under my possession would probably commit suicide)
6. Meet Tina Fey (I would totally cry when I do)
7. Design my own house (not build, because then it would collapse before I even enter)
8. Own all the Audrey Hepburn movies
9. Meet an eskimo (this would be soooo cool)
10. Go to Iceland during the summer and witness the 23 hour day of sunlight
11. Win a competition (like, one where heaps of people enter)
12. Go to a New Year's Eve wedding with fireworks (you never know, it could be mine)
13. Learn how to code (it's like a whole other language)
14. Learn French (even though I'm having trouble with English)
15. Shake hands with royalty or a world leader (dictators included)
16. Have a huuuuuuuge library
17. Read all the books on the Modern Library's list of top 100 fiction novels
18. Own a wardrobe as big as the one in the Devil Wears Prada (a tad unrealistic)
19. Punch someone in the face, or kick them in the balls
20. Take a culinary course
21. Sew an awesome dress
22. Watch the best 100 movies ever made
23. Re learn how to ride a bike
24. Bump into Nat from CommunityChannel in Sydney
25. LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY

To be added to...

I've always been interested in age and time. I think it's an incredible thing. Both the past is so complex, and the future is so enigmatic. I think when you learn about the past, you gain this extra dimension to your life. It's like the world is a never ending, dark abyss of a room, but the more you walk around with your flashlight, the more you shed light on. The future is of course, very exciting. It's like a piece of putty in your hands ready to be moulded.

Anyways, enough of the similes. I was going to talk about my grandmother. I was looking through the photo essay Jessica twittered about (dayswithmyfather.com) and I was reminded of my grandmother. I think she had dementia too. She kind of had that old person look that old people have. You know, the eyes deeply rested in the sockets, white hair wispy like a baby's, skeletal shaky hands. That was kind of the way she always looked as long as I knew her.

Sometimes she had her glasses on. That was always a laugh. They were those old fashioned thick lensed ones that magnified her eyes and made her look like a cartoon character or like, a really eager kid.

For the past few years, she sat in a hammock. She ate there. She sat there all day. That is, other than when she needed to pee or something, which she always needed help in. It must have been interesting sitting there though. There were always a lot of people passing by. I wonder what she would have been thinking. I mean, if you have memory loss, would you really understand why you were there? or what was happening? would it be a constant daze? or would you disregard that and just observe what was going on around you? Well, I'll figure out when I'm senile.

Every time my brother and I came to visit, she'd ask us who we were. And then we'd say. She always got so excited. Like, she'd grab my hands and be like, "oh my god" (literally, in vietnamese though). But then she'd ask why they were so sticky and try to take me to the bathroom to wash them, even though she couldn't stand up by herself.

She still thought I was 6 years old, which was how old I was when she got sick. It must be nice to have a fixed world though. But maybe for me it's just some cousinly rivalry, since she doesn't recall any of my nephews and stuff. It's just me and my brother that's stuck in her final frame.

The last time I saw her, I was about to leave to go home. I felt bad that her little eyes were all welled up and all. She never wants us to leave, but my mum always ends up telling her we have to go to my dad's home, even though we're going to the airport. My mum always thought it was funny how my grandmother behaved in response. You know, you can have dementia and all, but sometimes you just know what someone really means.

She grabbed me and my brother with those little hands (well, it was a pretty strong grip for an 80 something) and my aunt told her she didn't have the money to keep us. But old asian women are ever persistent, and I don't know where she got the idea from, but she said she'd go fishing everyday to feed us.

This was hilarious for my mother.

Anyways, that was the last time I was going to see my grandmother. She died like, a few months ago. I didn't feel anything when my mum told me she was dead. I thought that was something bad, like I didn't care or anything. I just didn't feel any different to how I did before.

What I've realised is I've always missed her. I always kind of miss everyone. A part of me missed her everyday, even when she was alive.

And sometimes, when you think about time and age for a while, you're not so surprised death (of old people) anymore. Maybe it wasn't such a bad thing. It's not good or bad. It's just she was tired, and it was time for her to sleep.

If I have grandchildren (that is, if I'll even have children), I'll live long enough to find out what kind of people they become. My grandmother doesn't have to worry about me (because I am awesome, and always will be).

And maybe, I'll even live until the next century. That would be pretty cool. Maybe we'll get to visit the moon during our lifetime. Maybe they'll discover a cure for cancer... Or maybe Asian officials won't be corrupt anymore! No, wait, what am I saying? That'll never happen.

Sorry if this post was kind of boring.

Thanks again for wishing my a happy 16th. Let's hope the next 100, 90, 80 or 70 years, or even the next day, will be wonderful.

I'm pretty sure no one's reading this anymore. But I like it that way. I can write whatever I want. Hm... *thinks about own stalking tendencies* maybe not.

But yeah, I better make this quick because I have homework being thrown at me left, right and centre. Damn, I'm such a gangsta for not doing my homework. Yeah, man *does head shaking thing, folds arms*. It's not like I'm disorganised anymore. It's just that I don't like doing stufffffffffffffffffff. It's so god damned annoying. But apparently this a part of LIVING. Ugh. Living. Ugh. Doing stuff.

Well, anyways, I'm not doing homework because I just don't feel like it. I know I'll always get it done. Even if I act like totally gangsta right now (WHEN I SHOULDN'T) but I'm going to be waking up at 5am to do my history essay. KIDS, THIS IS NOT HOW YOU SUCCEED IN LIFE.

Eh. Life.

Oh yes, speaking of life. I'm almost 16. Yay for me! I'm going to be legal! And that will make absolutely no difference! Growing up sucks balls. Suddenly I'll be 26 and it'll be no longer acceptable to be leaching off my parents for money. Shit man. I have no life plan!!!!

There is only a semi plan and that is to make money. There are several ways to make money, and that's the problem - there are just TOO MANY CHOICES. Does it sound like, pretentious saying that? As if I have the option any one of these choices? I'm sorry. I know it's not that easy. But god dammit, if there's one thing TV has taught me, it's that you want anything badly enough (and know how to get it) you will always eventually get it.

For my 16th year being alive in this world, I'd like to stop doing this kind of stuff. Not blogging (I wonder if my computer has a webcam...*hint hint*). Just the wasting time on purpose thing.

Anyways, that's all. I think I'll do maths hw now.

P.S. was thinking about another of my plans (or anti plans) to not get married/shoot out babies. I can so imagine my mother's reaction when I tell her (not that I plan to). Wow, she'd look exactly like a baby. Crying. Screaming. Throwing shit against the wall. Wailing: "I'M NEVER GOING TO HAVE GRANDCHILDREN" (apparently my brother doesn't exist anymore)

No I'm kidding. She'll just kick me out of the house.

Do you ever get the feeling that someone's watching you? Hey, that was a nice line. I bet you just read that out loud in your head and it felt like someone was whispering it behind you.

But seriously, I am paranoid. I kind of try to act normal and all ~mellow~ so I do that thing I do where I look kind of lost all the time. But really I'm like, trying to block out all the things that are running through my mind. I went through several phases in my life, where it was very evident from an outside observer that I was in fact, crazy (still am).

I was the kind of kid who wouldn't shower without wearing a singlet (I don't know why ok? IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO) or would stare at people for a while just to try to penetrate into their thoughts. It was only a few months ago when I called the police during the middle of the night because I thought there were burglars in my house. I swear to god I heard VERY LOUD banging sounds. I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY WENT WHEN YOU GUYS GOT THERE.

So, the moral of this story is, please bring me like, movies and chocolates and stuff when they put me in a psychiatric ward. Speaking of crazy people, I just finished my legal presentation today with Van. It was pretty nice going first actually. I should do it more often (this is not a recommendation for you to volunteer going first, because then where would I be? 2nd? Nobody wants to be 2nd!).

Since my last post I've gotten stuck into year 11. I don't feel really stressed. Not to be like, up myself and high and mighty or anything. Because I honestly feel like I should be more stressed, just to show that I care. But I can't. I'm too god damned indifferent.

I think if I did those personality test things, they'd give me one of those nice labels. They'd call me something cool like mellow. But the thing with mellow is that I get too ripe and then rot (ha, intertextual reference to "Annie Hall" [which is a great movie btw] god this 3u english thing is getting to me).

Dear god, did I just use brackets within brackets? Does anyone do that on the internet? Am I the pioneer of brackets within brackets for people too lazy to start a new sentence? That's a pretty neat idea. I wonder why I've never seen that outside of maths. Wow. I am so lame. I should shut up now.

Maybe there's like, a hidden underground group of people who do that shit. You know, using brackets within brackets. I could so be like, the vice president of that group. God I'm paranoid. I'll shut up for real now before my therapist reads this and actually sends me to the psychiatric ward this time.

P.S. I encourage you all to use brackets within brackets. Spread the love.

Isn't actually that stressful, you know. It doesn't count towards anything. But I'm sure you know that. I'm more excited about not being forced into doing sports EVER AGAIN. And having the chance to become a prefect (crosses fingers). And being a peer support leader.

I kind of stress about a lot of things already, so year 11 won't be that much of a change.

I'm kind of pissed actually, that I haven't achieved more with the past month. All that I have done is:
- sleeping 12 hours a day, sometimes more (which is awesome, btw. Sleeping is like being on a drug)
- gone to the optometrist to get new lenses
- downloaded podcasts to learn french
- watched:
   Paris je t'aime
   Breakfast at Tiffany's
   Roman Holiday
   Pretty in Pink
   Sixteen Candles
   The Breakfast Club
   Karate Kid
   Four Weddings and a Funeral
   Annie Hall
   Pineapple Express
   The first half of Ferris Bueller's Day Off (on the suggestion of Jessica)
   The first three quarters of Lolita
   The first three quarters of Forrest Gump
   Citizen Kane
   Shindler's List
   Looking for Alibrandi
   Barack Obama's inauguration speech
   the latest eps of 30 Rock
- joined twitter (which I am very good at spamming)
- started downloading the apparent greatest movie of all time, The Godfather. This will take ages considering I am capped. So I'm leaving my computer on 24/7. It is estimated to take anything from 2 to 7 days.
- gone to the beach
- baked a cake no one but myself would eat
- learnt to differentiate between the use of I and me with the help of grammar podcasts, though I could not figure out which to choose for the last dot point
- learnt 16 new words I probably won't remember
- downloaded a lot of audio podcasts of stories
   Alice in Wonderland (the whole effing book)
   A Slip Under the Microscope by HG Wells
   A Pair of Paleys
   Two Funny Guys
   Home for the Holidays (The New Yorker Fiction)

- also some about how to write better (I will listen to these one day)
- also all of Model.live
- and stuff from Open University which I probably won't ever need:
    Developing the Idea - Creative Writing
   Exploring Psychology: What is Consciousness?
   Limitations of trial by jury - Rules, rights and justice
   Rhetoric and Rhythm - Creative writing
   Structure, Revision and Theme

- had an excellent day at the city + had the weirdest ice cream expedition ever
- watched a lot of tennis, and got upset at Andy Murray getting out. Am still upset over this
- sat through the last Dokic game entirely in one spot for 3ish hours
- an exam at tutoring which I absolutely bombed
- covered almost all of my exercise books with um, interesting covers
- bought a huge schoolbag (which is a nice change actually, esp loving the fact that it's a backpack)
- gone shopping at DFO which I haven't done in a while + also watched my aunt and mother stalk around two Oroton stores for ages, gaping at the bags (this is why I'll be rich one day, so I can buy my mum a bunch of handbags)
- made a new layout that I will not post up bcos iweb coding is a bitch
- read:
   Lolita, the book about the pedophile. Despite its strange plot, it was excellent and I ended up crying at the end of it.
   Brave New World by Aldous Huxley. Also a great book. 5 stars. Incredibly modern and accurate considering the year it was made. Makes you think.
   Animal Farm (thumbs up, good for learning about the Russian Revolution)
   The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway. Very simple and short, but that's also part of the reason why it's so good.
   The Great Gatsby (nice romantic, good old American novel)
I wanted to read more books and actually finish Persuasion and Wuthering Heights. But I only read before I go to bed, which is already like in the wee hours of the morning
- some other stuff I can't think of right now

Alright, looking at the movie list I see I've wasted a lot of time watching films. And now I can see why I got capped. This is probably the most productive holiday I've had so far, but still it isn't the amazing one I envisioned it to be. I didn't become fluent in Latin or French. I didn't take up volunteer work. I didn't polish off a new library. I haven't even bought any textbooks. Oh well, there's always the super long holiday after year 12.

I'll see you at school tomorrow. It will be shitastic. Teachers got a 12% pay rise. At least that should put them in a better mood.

My mother: where's he getting inaugurated?
Me: (loling on the inside) Um... Washington D.C?
My mother: really? what's the capital of the U.S. then?
Me: zomg
My mother: isn't it New York City?
Me: yes...